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From the Borowitz Report:

Saying he is “sympathetic to late night comedians’ struggle to find jokes to make about me,” Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) today issued a list of official campaign-approved Barack Obama jokes.

The five jokes, which Sen. Obama said he is making available to all comedians free of charge, are as follows:

Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, “You know, we don’t get many kangaroos here.” Barack Obama replies, “At these prices, I’m not surprised. That’s why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil.”

A traveling salesman knocks on the door of a farmhouse, and much to his surprise, Barack Obama answers the door. The salesman says, “I was expecting the farmer’s daughter.” Barack Obama replies, “She’s not here. The farm was foreclosed on because of subprime loans that are making a mockery of the American Dream.”

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?” Barack Obama replies, “His jockey just lost his health insurance, which should be the right of all Americans.”

Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
Barack Obama: The New Yorker magazine, which should be embarrassed after publishing such a tasteless and offensive cover, which I reject and denounce.

A Christian, a Jew and Barack Obama are in a rowboat in the middle of the ocean. Barack Obama says, “This joke isn’t going to work because there’s no Muslim in this boat.”

I’m popping through Sirius talk stations and catch Bill Bennett saying that the focus on foreign policy has had the effect of showing how callow and inexperienced Barack Obama is. Bill Bennett is a tool.

As Crooks and Liars pointed out earlier this week, while Obama - a while back - got pummeled for slipping and referencing the “president of Canada,” McCain’s multiple references to policy concerning Czechoslovakia, a country that has not existed for 15 years, have largely gone unnoticed.

This mindset is part of the pass McCain is enjoying in the media: despite repeated and multiple mistakes and contradictions and flip-flops, everyone’s just sitting back with a shit grin on their face saying “s’all good.”

To be clear: John McCain does not qualify for POTUS because he is a veteran, is not experienced at foreign policy because he got off his ass in DC once in a while and visited foreign countries, and does not garner my respect simply because he is my elder; he’s pretty much everyone’s elder, and respect must be earned.

Old != Wise

You need only one idiot photoshop to push into some goodothers.

Launch 3 missiles capable of crushing Israel: acceptable. Photoshop the release images: crap. And even if you can crush Israel, you look stupid.

I’m still scared because of Iran’s missiles and what that means for Israel and - by proxy - us.

Yay Photoshop!

I swear when he hits the G8, he drinks heavily. From the Telegraph:

The American leader, who has been condemned throughout his presidency for failing to tackle climate change, ended a private meeting with the words: “Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter.”

He then punched the air while grinning widely, as the rest of those present including Gordon Brown and Nicolas Sarkozy looked on in shock.

Everyone remember Bush’s impromptu shoulder massage of German Chancellor Angela Merkel - at the G8?

The most powerful American is the Ugly American manifest.

I was reading this bit by Media Matters - one of dozens - that talk about… well:

On both his radio and television shows, Bill O’Reilly again cited Sen. Barack Obama’s ranking by the National Journal as the “most liberal senator” for 2007, without noting the rankings’ subjectivity. O’Reilly did not note that the rankings were based not on every vote cast by senators in 2007, but rather on “99 key Senate votes, selected by NJ reporters and editors, to place every senator on a liberal-to-conservative scale.”

Of course, O’Reilly also doesn’t mention that McCain didn’t earn a rating in this absurd, subjective exercise because he didn’t vote enough to be rated.

Every once in a while, I emerge from this haze of media anesthesia, this consistent lack of reporting all the facts - this thing that keeps Media Matters in business - and fly, burning-fisted into outrage: how can they do this? Why is no one doing anything about it? And just as my tornado inferno gets twisting, I collapse on myself, realizing that there are thousands of screaming voices - in the blogosphere. And because of how we humans are, my voice and thousands of others are shouting only to those who want to listen, and -by and large - are the other screaming voices.

People who need to hear that Barack Obama is not a Muslim don’t have a computer and won’t turn off Fox News.

And ignorance - not Fox and not talk radio - is our kryptonite: we have no defense and few effective ways to counter it.

Your thoughts?

As you may know, Dennis Kucinich introduced 35 Articles of Impeachment against President Bush about a month ago. It was immediately pushed into “committee” where everyone can forget about it because the idea of accountability, along with the Constitution, has also been raped and walled up in an unused portion of Big Government’s basement.

Sign Kucinich’s petition to push these articles. Maybe, just maybe, the congress we elected two years ago could get something important - and meaningful - done before the Criminal leaves office.

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This comes to us from the good folks at Media Matters (and so do the pics):

During a segment in which Fox & Friends co-hosts Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade labeled New York Times reporter Jacques Steinberg and editor Steven Reddicliffe “attack dogs,” Fox News featured photos of Steinberg and Reddicliffe that appeared to have been digitally altered — the journalists’ teeth had been yellowed, their facial features exaggerated, and portions of Reddicliffe’s hair moved further back on his head.

As someone who is a web and graphic designer - and has worked in graphic design in the television industry - this is piss-poor on many, many levels:

• Skill - 2/10 - This appears as though some production lackey’s mentally-challenged son had a couple classes in Photoshop or got ahold of the Quantel Paintbox and a six pack. “Heh heh…yellow teeth. An I’ll mak’im balder - where’s the airbrush?” And then the farting begins.
• Wit - 1/10 - If you’re going to make caricatures, then make caricatures, cleverly adding in appropriate details. You don’t say “he’s an attack dog” and then show his face MS-paint-pasted on a poodle. The man/poodle shop that appears in the video is a testament to the lack of both skill and wit.
• Tact - 0/10 - What happens when you have no skill or wit? You make these shopped-up photos and present them as the real stock photos of the people. Then you get caught and everyone knows you’re a shady douche.

But this douchebaggery is endemic in conservative and Republican circles: they do not understand humor or wit or what people actually laugh at, so they use underhanded methods to attempt to make fun. Case in point: “The 1/2 Hour News Hour” since canceled from FOX’s lineup. “Heh heh, see what I did there? It’s called the News Hour, but it’s only a half hour - go figure! Ever wonder why you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?” And it probably took a whole room of conservatives to come up with the title of the show - collectively as witty as a box of hair - let alone the acting and writing that had the production value of high school video morning announcements.

But I guess when you genuinely find poor people or brown people or gay people or smart people funny, you can’t exactly make jokes like that. Because then everyone would know you’re mean.

Just in case anyone had the misconception that the push to attack Iran was just Bush/Cheney or even just Republican. Democratic leadership will also be to blame. Another blank check is about to be written…

Whatever you believe as a Democrat or Liberal, we need to not elect John McCain as a nation.

Check out this link to make a last-minute June donation to the DNC and derail the RNC next November.

Seriously. Now.

The Telegraph:

President George W Bush requested and received funding of $400 million (£200 million) for the plan after he made a secret appeal to Congressional leaders last year.

The money is likely to be used for operations carried out by the CIA and other intelligence agencies, according to the New Yorker magazine.

The appeal for funds “was focused on undermining Iran’s nuclear ambitions and trying to undermine the government through regime change” said the magazine.

Alternet:

In the scenario concocted by Cheney’s strategists, Washington’s first step would be to convince Israel to fire missiles at Iran’s uranium enrichment plant in Natanz. Tehran would retaliate with its own strike, providing the US with an excuse to attack military targets and nuclear facilities in Iran.

This information was leaked by an official close to the vice president. Cheney himself hasn’t denied engaging in such war games. For years, in fact, he’s been open about his opinion that an attack on Iran, a member of US President George W. Bush’s “Axis of Evil,” is inevitable.

Huffington Post:

On Fox News Sunday this morning, Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol said that President Bush is more likely to attack Iran if he believes Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) is going to be elected.

…so how do we stop it?

A couple new additions to our blogroll:

• The Rural Bus Route
• Bill’s Political Blog

If you were trying to run the country, if you were going to personally see to it that bills were signed into law, wouldn’t you - perhaps - make an appearance at your current job that made those things happen in lieu of being the POTUS? Especially if that job was paid for by taxpaying Americans? McCain does not think so.